Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Mr. Good Enough and Interracial Dating

I came across Lori Gottlieb's book "Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough" while browsing at a local bookstore. I first read the page where she describes the impact of feminism on her  dating life and women in their 30's & 40's. It was hilarious, eye opening and realistic but boy did she stir a hornet's nest! Tons of letters poured in angry at her phrase "settling for Mr. Good Enough."

Unless you've read the book - don't knock it just yet. She is funny and has some great points like don't blow off a guy because he didn't fit all your top ten criteria. Don't ignore a man who is not on the career field you 'require' - he could turn out to be your Mr. Right. Her definition of "Mr. Good Enough" is a man who meets most of your criteria but not all of it. She sites examples of friends who ended up happily married despite having 'settled' for their Mr. Good Enough. Gottlieb regrets blowing off guys in her 20's who she thought were beneath her but now in her 40's thinks they would have been a great catch!

In the book "Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions That Keep Black Women From Dating Out" Karyn Langhorne Folan tackles the sensitive topic of black women and interracial dating. She reminds them to expand their dating options. For the full online article check out Washington Post. She describes the loyalty and guilt black women carry over the thought of dating outside the community. My take on it that you never know who God intended you marry until you take a step of faith and say yes to a coffee date. I dated outside my race prior to meeting my husband and though I did not get married to the guy, it was an enriching experience.

I got to know my husband when we did a US music tour with a Christian ministry band. He didn't fit all my list requirements because some were unrealistict! My only non-negotiable one was that he had to be a practicing Christian because I was involved in ministry. Other items on my list included being of the same tribe to avoid possible inter-tribal drama. I bet you didn't know that existed! God must have laughed when He heard my plans - I did not bring home a Kamba man - he was a Luo. We are celebrating 10 years of marriage this year and the blessing of our two sons. I'm so glad I didn't let expectations to marry within the tribe block me from a happy marriage.

Please note cultural differences can pull a couple apart if you are not prepared or realistic with your expectations. When you find your 'one' do attend some type of premarital counseling before your wedding. Your Pastor, Priest, Rabbi, Imam, Counselor or a trusted married couple would be a great place to start.   If you are looking for resources on how to have a happy marriage when you come from two different cultures email me at info@earlyfamilyyears.org and I'll email back some resources.

What's your story?

1 comment:

  1. There are a few characteristics that contribute to compatability. I read a great book which helped me figure out what i wanted called "(He's not Mr. Right) He's Mr. Right for YOU!" found on www.MrRightforYouBook.com great read!


Please leave respectful comments enlightening others with your opinions. Spam and comments not directly related to the particular post will be immediately deleted.