Friday, March 12, 2010

Baby Interruptus - Marriage After Babies

The birth of our first son launched my efforts to help young couples thrive in their first years of marriage. We now have two preschooler boys so the craziness of being a first time parent is waning but boy was it a ride! In between night feedings, mystery burps, checking the color of the baby's rear end 'product' and sleep time drama - romance and sex took a beating!

If women are honest, we resent men for not needing to recover from child birth. They are unaware of new hormonal changes that make us crave or hate them! We crave their hugs but resent that wondering hand suggesting more. I'm reading the book 'Baby Proofing Your Marriage' and these ladies were reading my mind! Its the most realistic book I've read on how couples act once they become parents.

Babies are the sweetest creatures on the planet, but they don't encourage romance! 'Baby interruptus' occurs when you are finally getting your groove on and your sleeping baby starts wailing! No 'happy ending' for either of you and that makes one cranky morning! Don't give up just yet, there is hope around the corner.

With a little humor and planning, you'll discover golden moments when the baby sleeps and you can finally spend some quality time together. Keeping a sense of humor is the greatest asset during your baby's first year. Learn to schedule your romance because spontaneity clashes with baby's little plans.

We also learnt, you MUST go on a date within a couple of weeks after baby's birth or adoption. Get a trusted friend, relative or a church "parents night out" to watch the baby. You need the sanity of stepping away for a moment and remembering you are a person with grown up needs craving grown up attention.

A sanity saving idea is to drop unrealistic expectations and welcome the word 'flexibility' to your home. If you are a nursing mom and constantly worried if the little one will take the bottle from someone else, get creative.  Plan to go on a date after the baby's bed time - you will avoid needing the sitter to feed him/her. A date night might also consist of feeding and bringing baby along on the date so she/he can sleep as you chat over your meal. There's no wrong or right way,  find out what works for you and your spouse and take care of your romantic lives!

Spending time away from the baby will greatly impact how you feel about romance in your marriage. Most husbands want to care for the baby but we cling to the duties like a badge of honor! Communication is the greatest asset you will have during the baby's first year - express what you need in clear specific terms. Your partner cannot read your mind! How have you dealt with your romantic life after giving birth?

1 comment:

  1. I loved this, everything you said rang true with me. My eldest is nearly six and my husband and I still struggle to put our marriage first even though we know how important it is. I truly believe that if we had taken more time out away from being parents we could have been a lot happier in our early parenting years.


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